What is a Romance Scam?
Romance scams take place when someone creates a fake identity to build a fake relationship overtime with a trusting individual and this relationship is usually a means of extracting money by convincing the victim that they are in a loving romantic relationship through the internet. Romance scams typically begin when a person is in a vulnerable position. During covid, in 2020, romance scams increased by 50% due to isolation, loneliness and a need for attachment. Romance scam predators saw the isolation as an opportunity to reach out on various forms of social media, dating sites, and LinkedIn to see who would bite if they threw out a line to connect. Romance scams no longer only targeted widows and divorcees, but also targeted males ages 40 years and above. The average victim has lost $100,000 and up, where many are highly educated, successful individuals.
Usually, the scammer finds the individual and reaches out, building a connection. The individual feels a sense of comfort in knowing there is someone out there who understands their wants and needs. As the scammer is building trust and comfort in this “relationship,” they will start to discuss their future plans. For example, they may say they live in a different country and have dreams of moving to America where the individual is and promising to see them when they come.
At first, during the platonic stage of the relationship, is the grooming phase. This is when the scammer tries to develop a friendship, to learn about you, gain information about you and begin to build trust. However, when the relationship slowly starts to become more romantic, the scammer will start to ask for support from the individual so that they can come visit them. However, the scammer will create a problem on their way to visit that can be solved with more money from the individual. At this point, the victim has begun to trust the other person and feel hopeful to see them so they are happy to help. Except, the scammer never comes but instead disappears with the money meant for the visit.
The allure between online relationships is that when you are behind a screen you get to be whatever persona you want to be and you can develop an alter-ego. For example, dopamine, which is released in order to make people feel good, causes the release of norepinephrine and these two combined give a person energy. Enhancing that feeling of attraction and positive connection. These predators figure out what the victim is looking for and they shape their personality around the fantasy of what you are looking for. These predators work to isolate their targets by covertly encouraging distance from spouses and family in order to gain more control. Because you are behind a screen, they can keep that game going for a long time. It is easy to be whoever you want to be behind a screen.
Why do romance scams work?
To understand romance scams and how they work it is important to understand that a romance scam is driven by the fantasy of love.
There are three different categories of love:
Lust, which is linked to testosterone and estrogen.
Attraction, which is linked to dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.
Attachment, which is linked to oxytocin and vasopressin.
Romance scams are mainly driven by attraction and attachment where the scammer figures out how to zero in on what makes you feel loved, admired and important. Romance scammers use tactics such as needing an immediate response because of an emergency that activates the limbic brain which is the impulsive part of the brain. Because they are demanding immediate action it does not give the targeted individual time to think before they react. The predator will also try to catch the victim at odd hours of the night when they are not as alert and they are in a more suggestive state of mind due to being tired. The predator will also use tactics such as being very responsive, complimentary, and available then disappearing, making you wonder when they will come back and want to please them so they don’t distance themselves from you. The predators use the fluctuations of love bombing then retreating as a way to keep the victim on their toes and constantly wanting to please them with the fear of if they don’t please them they will lose their love. The same chemicals that are released throughout the fantasy relationship are the same chemicals that are released from gambling , drug and alcohol addictions, and sex and love addiction. This relationship attacks the reward centers in the brain the same way that heroin. Often these victims in their gut know they are being manipulated but will still give money due to the fantasy of being loved much like love-addicts do in relationships. These individuals end up chasing the love the way a gambler chases the win.
How to help:
A result of too much dopamine can be poor-decision making. In this case, the individual is finally feeling a sense of attraction and comfort in their scammer and can be misplacing their trust too soon. And after falling victim to these scams, the victim may be feeling foolish and hurt. It is important in this situation, to show empathy and compassion and not to make the victim feel at fault. Remember, that during this time, the individual is especially vulnerable, it is important to be supportive and help them navigate through this confusing and dangerous situation.
If you have been affected by a romance scam, contact The Kraft Group and our trained professionals can help.
